“Hi I’m Dave Bland and you’re listening to BBC Radio Twelve. A quick reminder (as if you needed it) that today is National Fornication day, the one day of the year you can enjoy no questions asked, guilt-free sex with multiple strangers, with no comebacks, consequences or repercussions, safe in the knowledge your husband, wife, partner or significant other will be doing exactly the same.
NFD has been a roaring success since it was instituted over a decade ago to combat the tiresome problems of of unrequited lust, infidelity, marital boredom and relationship strife.
Remember it’s not only a pleasure, it’s practically your social duty, so get out there Britain and give ’em one for me!
Coming up, Suzie will be here with the weather …after she’s finished noshing me off. Over to you Suz.”